Wednesday 4 March 2020

safety...

Yesterday was a day of revelation... As I’m slowly getting back to my work routine, after having spent the last three months recovering from a rather severe burnout and trying to reprogram my brain to set healthy boundaries (who am I kidding... we are talking a full reboot!), and also after having had a long conversation with a friend last week about matters of the heart, yesterday it actually came to me: the most important thing in a personal relationship, whether friendly or amorous, is feeling safe! Safe to be ourselves, safe to express what we feel and what we think without being afraid that that will lead to abandonment! Personal relationships should provide a safe space!

I have very often in my life felt unsafe in a relationship... in fact, since I was a kid, the thing I craved the most was safety... ironically, it is the one thing I have not found in my personal life with the exception (and it’s a big one!) of my wonderful friends! Who do indeed provide a safe space for me to be myself, to not sensor my thoughts, my actions, my words... because they know that it all comes from a good place, from love, from care, from honesty... Although... lately I have reconsidered a friendship precisely because it pushed me to the position of having to filter what I say, to avoid talking about things that worry me, that concern me, things that are part of my life... and it has not been easy because it is the first time that I have actually focused on how I feel in a relationship rather than how the other person would feel...

And this was instrumental in me reaching the conclusion that it is safety that is the most important thing in a relationship... often, especially in romantic relationships, because we feel so many other things (love, lust, longing, pleasure, fear...) we forget to ask ourselves the most important question: does this person make me feel safe? Because, what is the point in being in a relationship that makes us feel unsafe? One that does not come naturally, one that we have to constantly fight for, one we have to chase after and that we have to hide our true self? Isn’t it doomed to fail? I think it is! So, ask yourselves whether you feel safe in your relationships... the answer might surprise you but, me thinks, it is important! Feeling safe in a relationship is truly better than shoes!

Ps. Obvs, I’m talking about emotional safety... if you actually feel physically unsafe, run!!


1 comment:

Unknown said...

When you can be yourself and their is no dis- ease or regret about being honest.