Wednesday 27 February 2013

my man.... better than shoes! Any shoes! Better than the new season's Marc Jacobs Mary Janes, for the savvy ones ;) And, if you remember (if you don't, you may read my first ever post in this blog) this is how it all started. He was the reason for starting this blog. And now, so many years later and still together, I want to dedicate one more post to him for all that he has done for me this past few days... for having been the most wonderful "care taker" ever :)

One week post-op, fear free by now (yep, no more of that horrid feeling of the unknown) and I gave my first, very proud, non-crutches steps last night! I would be a liar if I said that I have suffered a lot from this operation. The pain has been very tolerable, so has the discomfort, and having returned home from the hospital on the same day, really did wonders for my mental health. However, as you can imagine, I have been in need of a lot of help these past days. And I  had it!

Taken to and from the hospital so I wouldn't feel alone, meals being shopped and prepared for me (and as always extremely delicious) so that I did not have to stress for nothing, the best company I could ask for and loads of films and TV series to watch so I don't get bored and even help to take a much appreciated shower a couple of days after the procedure (mind you, first time ever it has been this long... and has been repeated since, I'm not an animal, people), I cannot begin to express how grateful I am!

For a man who does not have a high tolerance for sickness, since also he hardly ever gets sick himself, my better half has been magnificent with me! Patient and carrying and worrying not to leave me alone for more than a couple of hours for the first days, even being on stand-by at the hospital to come to me as soon as was back in the room after the operation (and, yes, seeing his face at that moment was priceless for me), and not laughing (a lot...) every time I would carry around under my sweater that pillow I used for my leg (carrying things around while on crutches is tricky...)  he has been all I ever needed and more!

I know that he will feel embarrassed when he reads this but... I really needed to tell him how I feel and I'm better expressing those things in writing than verbally... Besides, he genuinely deserves this post, he is after all and always be "better than shoes" ;)

Tuesday 5 February 2013

admit it... you are scared... and it's ok :)

It's been a while since I last wrote a word... I have been somewhat under the weather... I will explain.

I have a torn meniscus... again... it has been 25 years since I had my left knee operated for similar reasons and, believe you me, it was by far the worst experience of my life! It is true what they say about childhood traumas, they are the hardest to get rid of and I am pretty sure I have not managed to get rid of mine... yep, still carry it with me... I would not be able to avoid whining if I were to start telling you about all the different ways that operation has affected my life... So I will stop here.

I will tell you however that I am scared s***less about having to undergo surgery in the right knee too now... yes, scared to the bone (does this expression actually exists??) and it is the first time in my life I am admitting it so openly! And to all of you! There, I said it: I'm scared! What a relief! Also for the first time in  my life I feel that... it actually is ok :) I mean, I know, fear is not one of the good feelings, unlike love and joy we usually don't welcome it, there is rarely a "goodness me man, I feel so scared, it's so cool!!" being phrased and nobody has sang in an major tune "I feel scared, I feel scared" while dancing smiling in the sunlight...

But, it's ok... It really is ok to be scared as long as you don't let it scare you off... It is better than shoes to admit fear and just... go on with life ;)
What I mean is that I will not let it stop me from going through the operation (luckily, I will not have a lot to do during...) and though I will not be embracing the fear for the next two weeks (ewww... cliché and silly... I don't embrace things I don't like...) I will just take it with me as I walk into that hospital and I will leave it there when I walk (or... roll) out of it.

Until then ;)

Ps. no, in case you were wondering, I will not be riding any cable carts this year, facing this one major fear is good for the next decade... ;)