Tuesday, 5 February 2013

admit it... you are scared... and it's ok :)

It's been a while since I last wrote a word... I have been somewhat under the weather... I will explain.

I have a torn meniscus... again... it has been 25 years since I had my left knee operated for similar reasons and, believe you me, it was by far the worst experience of my life! It is true what they say about childhood traumas, they are the hardest to get rid of and I am pretty sure I have not managed to get rid of mine... yep, still carry it with me... I would not be able to avoid whining if I were to start telling you about all the different ways that operation has affected my life... So I will stop here.

I will tell you however that I am scared s***less about having to undergo surgery in the right knee too now... yes, scared to the bone (does this expression actually exists??) and it is the first time in my life I am admitting it so openly! And to all of you! There, I said it: I'm scared! What a relief! Also for the first time in  my life I feel that... it actually is ok :) I mean, I know, fear is not one of the good feelings, unlike love and joy we usually don't welcome it, there is rarely a "goodness me man, I feel so scared, it's so cool!!" being phrased and nobody has sang in an major tune "I feel scared, I feel scared" while dancing smiling in the sunlight...

But, it's ok... It really is ok to be scared as long as you don't let it scare you off... It is better than shoes to admit fear and just... go on with life ;)
What I mean is that I will not let it stop me from going through the operation (luckily, I will not have a lot to do during...) and though I will not be embracing the fear for the next two weeks (ewww... cliché and silly... I don't embrace things I don't like...) I will just take it with me as I walk into that hospital and I will leave it there when I walk (or... roll) out of it.

Until then ;)

Ps. no, in case you were wondering, I will not be riding any cable carts this year, facing this one major fear is good for the next decade... ;)

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

I was thinking of reminding you that blogging is bts, and now this.
I don't think fear is automatically bad. It does useful things, like allow you to enjoy the view from your balcony for hours, rather than just a few short and splatty seconds. I approve of fear.
Having said that, I have many embarrassingly stupid fears. A lot of them involve making telephone calls. I mean, just make the call, right? Just say what you want and everything will be fine. Yes, but still, I will do spend a lot of energy avoiding simple calls. And there is no blood or pain involved at all.
So now, you are facing what you are afraid of, doing what you need to do, unafraid to admit you are afraid to admit you are afraid.
I won't wish you good luck. I don't think luck will be involved. A speedy recovery? Yes, a speedy recovery, that is the thing to wish you.
@T

CC said...

Thank you so much @T, a speedy recovery is indeed what I hope for and your wish for that is very much valued :)

Anonymous said...

When is knee day?
@T

CC said...

Unfortunately as it is everyday is knee day... But I go under the knife on the 20th and soon after that I hope there will be no more knee days :)

Anonymous said...

It will soon be over, now. Chin up, Ohren steif, and all that. @T