Thursday, 13 August 2020

lucifer atticus parks

 ...is my kitten. We are living together now for two weeks. He is a British shorthair in blue colourpoint, all white with only his tail and paws in that amazing deep grey of his breed. His eyes are the lightest turquoise, almost silver. And, before you start asking, no, I will not be posting photos of him here. Here... we write and read. But I sure will be writing about him because, and although I do not let him near my shoes (I mean... com’on...he chews on everything!), having him in my life is the best thing, the best thing really, that has happened to me in a veeeeeery loooooong time! 

When we arrived home two weeks ago, with him all terrified from the trip and me heartbroken because of his crying all the way, he run under my bed and would not come out not even for food! I thought I had traumatised him and he would hate me for the rest of his life! I was so wrong... here’s what happened: at about 11 in the evening, after I had my night routine (you know, brush my teeth, put on my night cream, that kind of stuff...), I went to bed. I put “Friends” on Netflix because... oh well, who needs a reason for a “Friends” rerun!... and as I was watching, thinking that Lucifer would never ever get out from underneath the bed, I suddenly see him seated at the edge of the bed looking at the TV! A tiny white fur-ball with pointy ears looking at Rachel and Ross! 

That same night, he slept next to my head and every time I turned  he would come and give me kisses! And ever since we sleep like this (ok, except for one night, poor thing had gone mad because of the awful heatwave and because of tiny flies in a plant... they bugged him senseless!) after having watched an episode of “Friends”. We wake up together early, take our breakfast and then he keeps me company all day, when I’m working, when I’m cooking and eating, when I’m taking a nap, when I’m watching Netflix... Yesterday, I was having a rough day and as I was laying on the sofa in the evening, he came to lay really really close to me and put his paw over my tummy... yep! He hugged me! 

Now, if this all is not “better than shoes”, I don’t know what is!! Right?! 

Ps. He just woke up... he was asleep on the coffee table in front of me and now he’s seated next to me looking at what I’m doing... I told him I’m writing about him ☺️ 



 


Saturday, 4 July 2020

perseverance...

There’s a quote which I think is attributed to “Rocky” (but last week I watched it and was not there... eh... there’s another, what, 5? 6 films?...) that goes “it doesn’t matter how hard you can hit, what matters is how hard you can get hit and still keep moving forward”... I like this quote. I also like “Rocky”.

In the last three years of my life, I have been cheated upon and lost my partner, family and friends that I had for more than a decade. In the process, I haven been disrespected and shamelessly lied upon, I have been pushed over my limit so much so that I almost lost myself, I have been gaslighted to think it was all my fault and, on top of that, I have been asked to just accept my ex’s “polyamory” as the new norm. I respectfully (to myself) declined. And then I had to live with “them” shacked up over my head on top of seeing them everyday at work. 

At work, I have been bullied, pushed to “produce” at an unbearable pace, I have been discriminated against, constantly unappreciated and often undermined and I even had my work “checked” by an A-male, who had absolutely no authority to do so, merely because what I was saying was not accepted by another A-male. By the way, I was correct. Because or work stress, I have endured so much physical pain it almost drove me to suicide and I had a severe burnout, staying locked inside my house for months. And that was before the lockdown. Which came along with me catching “the bug”, so I was (yet again) sick and scared and alone. I have struggled with the news of my mother being diagnosed with cancer and not being able to even go see her due to the damn virus. I have been rejected by some people I thought were friends, even my own brother just because I did not praise him for the first time, I have seen dear friends suffer without being able to help them, I had a car accident, I had my dreams and hopes shattered in a million pieces again and again and I have hit my funny bone more times than I can remember!

But... I’m still here! I’m still moving forward! I have persevered! I have not given up! Exhausted? You bet your Louboutins I am, but I ain’t dead yet, bitches!! I can definitely take a punch, I know that now! And I know that perseverance is better than shoes! Better than any shoe! And that in the end it always gets rewarded because just the fact of having persevered is a great reward on its own! The bell just rang again for the n-th time, I’ve been hit more times than I can count but I’m still in the ring and I’m still standing! That’s something! And not merely standing, I’m once again seeing the bright side of things, I’m hopeful for the future and forever grateful for my amazing friends who stand by me through thick or thin! I even have a bunch of new projects in mind! See, the thing is... life is not easy for most of us and there will always be times we feel we just want to give it all up but... don’t! Just don’t! Persevere! Rise above the swamp, smile in the face of disaster and keep moving forward! In the end, it will all be well and if now things are not well, it’s not the end 😉

Tuesday, 2 June 2020

human touch...

What I have missed the most these last few months is the human touch... as a single woman, living on my own, I have relied for the better part of these last two years on my darling friends to fulfil my need for a hug, a pat in the back, for an “up top” even... and they have been always generous with me, knowing that it took me many years of growing (literally and figuratively) in order to learn not only to accept to be touched, let alone be hugged, but appreciate the actual healing powers of the human touch!

Too “new age-y” for your taste? Yeah... for mine too but, damn it,  it’s true! I have witnessed it first hand! I know what good can a hug do, I have felt it! And as someone who denied the existence of feelings for about two and a half decades of my life, (fun fact: I was just stuffing them in a box I kept locked... you can guess what happened when the lock broke from the inner pressure... was not fun), when I say “I have felt it”, you may rest assured that it was more real that the sun in the sky! I kid you not!

So yeah... the human touch... it’s been months now that I have been paddling along without it... it’s been lonely and difficult and it has made me realised, yet again, how great and necessary and important it is... definitely better than shoes, in every way!... And today I got some bad news... really bad news... it appears the universe is not yet tired of serving me one pile of s**t after the other but that’s a story for another time... when I got that text, I was with my darling M, the “little sister” I never had and have been blessed to find here... and when she heard the news she said “oh, sis... and I can’t even give you a hug” and she was devastated as she said it! Because you see, we met each other today for the first time after months and we were very carefully practicing the social distancing thingy as we should... and it was heartbreaking... that moment was heartbreaking for both of us...

So we must get out of this bloody situation we are in now! “We” as in “the world”! We have got to find a way to get to a state that we can hug a friend when they need it! We have to start shaking hands again! We have to stay in touch! Literally! Otherwise I see no future! For humanity, that is! So, please, pretty pleeeeease with bells on top, dear scientists, find a way, find a cure, find a vaccine that will allow us to be human again! And if there’s anyway I can help, just tell me!