Friday, 11 April 2014

plastic, blue memories...

They were blue like the Greek summer sky. They were made of plastic, both the soles and the upper part, the inside I bet it was plastic as well but I cannot remember after all these years... I do remember though that feeling of guilty pleasure every time I would put them on along with that of the pavement in my grand mother's back yard through the flimsy soles... and that they were gorgeous!

I was about six years old. And I had flat feet. Or, at least, that's what they told me to explain why I would have to wear those hideous, black or brown laced booties (replaced by equally hideous wooden orthopaedic sandals in the summer... during spring, when it was still chilly, I had to wear socks with those, slippery, nylon socks that made me loose my sandals when running in the school yard...) and not cute little girls shoes like everyone else...

My grandma bought me the blue ballet flats... I loved them nearly as munch as I loved her! Oh, my feet looked so pretty in those! So delicate! So feminine! But I had to wear them only when I was at her place, secretly from my mother who would not allow it... And I doubt I will ever forget the day I got caught with them on, run and hid under the bed and heard my grandma trying to protect me, calm her down so that I don't get a beating...

I still remember the afternoon sun getting in the room from the half closed blinds, the tiny silver flakes of dust dancing around me in the breeze, annoyed by my presence under the bed, I remember my ice cream that should be melting on the kitchen table, my fear of being punished for not following the rules and the excruciating pain of looking at my beautiful, cheap, blue, little girl's shoes that seamed like I would never put on again... I was right... they were confiscated... But my blue memories never were!!! And they are better than shoes ;)

Tuesday, 8 April 2014

commitments...

I discovered very recently (and to my astonishment...) that I am not a commitment-phobe... so it is "only" boats and cable carts and roller coasters and various kinds of beasts and multi-legged creatures and food that is not completely dead and... oh, well, the list of things that freak me out is long but at least it does not comprise commitment! Phewwww...

Though I do demonstrate a certain... how do I put it... aversion for traditional commitments, such as marriage which is an excellent example, I on the other hand feel compelled to commit a lifetime to Pilates (another wonderful example). The former gives me a sense of sheer panic and the mere sound of it is repulsive and kinda does compare with boats and cable carts etc. whereas the latter fills my heart with joy and images of a future with me as an 80-year-old on the reformer are welcomed in my mind bringing a feeling of security and calmness...

So it is not the idea of doing something forever that scares the hell out of me, ergo not a commitment-phobe, but it's the idea of doing something I don't like for whatever period of time that sends cold sweat down my spine... I don't like the idea (to put it mildly...) of signing a contract to stay together forever with the man I love, I wish that we both feel good doing so everyday because we actually want to. But I love the idea of spending the rest of my years, hopefully many many of those, exercising with religious discipline in the only way that I actually like which is Pilates.

And yes, I would say that this kind of commitment is indeed better than shoes! Not to mention that after 3-and-a-half years of Pilates I have finally managed to shape up to wearing high heels far more often than I used to! Hurray! ;)

Thursday, 27 March 2014

affirmations...

...or, the declaration of the truth of something.

We all live in denial about something... "No, my bum is not big, it's... perky!"... The brutal truth is that with about a 99,9% certainty, the bum (ok, my bum...) is rather big and ok, I'm 40, I still look good for my age (I hope...) and I take care of myself and blah blah blah, all good, but the bum is big and I'm in denial about it... Lucky for me there are worse things one can be in denial about and those exactly are the ones we should strive to accept.

I was just talking to my mother... when she repeated for the billionth time "no, I never get jealous, I just don't have this emotion", I told her "mum, you are the only person I know who believes you are not jealous"... If I know her at all, she will forget my words in about 7', nevertheless, I did tell her... Maybe, just maybe, she will not and I'm wrong and she will realise that having spent a lifetime believing something about herself that is entirely untrue is a waste of time to say the least! And then maybe, she will come to terms with that, get acquainted with herself a bit, take the first step to maybe... I don't know... stop being jealous... start being happy about other people, not be intimidated by them the way she has been all her life...

Hence, affirmations. Declare the truth, accept facts, face the music, smell the roses... Acknowledging one's fuck-ups is the first step to never repeat them, it is the first step to move forward! Knowing one's own flaws is the first step to correct them. Taking off the pink glasses allows us to see all the other beautiful colours in our life! And yes, some of the ugly ones too (teal should have never been allowed for anything other than gangrene...) but so be it! When you sell that condo by "de Nile", you also get to buy something with a great view to reality and no, reality is not grim, it's pretty if you know how to look and where to look! Just like looking at those Fendi coral heel sandals, you know, the white ones... No, wait, better than those!! ;)