Friday, 2 November 2018

reunions...

...are not, as such, better than shoes. Think highschool reunions... They can be dreadful! Stressful! Horrible! They can be all about who got the best job with the most money, who married well, who got divorced, who married well and got divorced, who put on weight, who put on new boobs, who has the best kids (yep, people do compare their kids... tragic, I know...) and ultimately, they can be all about which shoes to wear in order to convey the right message... succes, money, availability...

But some  reunions are not at all like that... they are about people who were friends and got separated not by choice but because, well, life happens and things happen and we lose touch and we always remember them fondly and we wonder what they are doing and one day out of the blue we get in touch again and then we get together for drinks and three hours pass and it feels like a moment and it is as if not a day has gone by since we last saw each other! And these reunions are a blessing! They are heart warming! They are better than shoes!

I was gifted with such a reunion tonight. I got together with a friend I hadn’t seen in more than 18 years and with whom I reconnected only last month. And we are practically neighbours! Ok, 45 minutes by plane but it’s just across the channel! Now, I’m not a very emotional person but seeing her after all these years and recognising her right away, “there she is” I though when I saw her coming, really brought tears to my eyes... and we hugged and I felt so, so happy! And we had so much to say, we have grown, he have been through so much, we have changed but at the same time we also have remained unchanged! It was just us two again, laughing and talking and having a drink just like back when we were at uni! It was as if not a day had gone by since we last saw each other!

My dear V, it was awesome seeing you tonight, my heart is filled with such joy you cannot imagine! I can’t wait for next time... 😉

Thursday, 25 October 2018

feeling...

...is better than shoes.

I struggled a lot with my feelings in my youth. In fact, when I was younger, I had devised a “great” method of dealing with them, I would put everything I felt in a box, all tidy and neat, and then close the lid and lock it... until the box got so full it just popped open and, like the “Jack in a box”, all the stuffed up feelings I kept hostage for years just jumped out and I felt them all at once... and kept feeling them for about five years, while I was in therapy at the time and thank goodness I was because frankly, without help I would have ended up in the cuckoo’s nest...

So... keeping feelings in a box, not a good idea.
I mean, I know perfectly well that when we allow ourselves to feel, inevitably we will feel the bad stuff along with good. Yes, it will not be all joy and pleasure and fulfilment and love and affection and tenderness... it will also be sorrow and anger and irritation and boredom and disgust... but hey, without the bad, how would we appreciate the good, right? And I know that allowing ourselves to feel makes us vulnerable but, newsflash, we are vulnerable by definition! We are only human! So, not much at stake there... And I also know that, at least the women of my generation, we were all brought up conditioned to hide our feelings, never to tell the boy we liked that we liked him, never to show anger, always contain ourselves and “be ladylike” but... f@@k that! No, seriously! That was some twisted shit!! It just crippled us and cost us years of trying to get rid of those teachings in order to free ourselves and be just normal human beings!

So yeah, I know that when we allow ourselves to feel, really feel, we take risks... we open up to the unknown, we welcome in the good and the bad and we say “ok, let’s see now, what have you got for me?” but it’s so incredibly worth it! It’s how you know you are alive! Yes, it hurts ever so often but it’s also amazingly rewarding even more often! Yes, we will cry sometimes but, more often (believe me, I know what I’m talking about) we will laugh!! And that makes it all worth it!

So, feel!! Let it all in! Be open! Be human!  Don’t be afraid, don’t hold back! Accept the bad ones and celebrate the good ones! Do not hide your sadness and do not curb your enthusiasm! Just... feel it all! Be alive!  

Friday, 19 October 2018

overcoming...

This has been perhaps the most significant year of my life. In my 44 years on this planet, never have I been through so much... and though most of it has not been “better than shoes” and, in fact, has required quite a substancial amount of shoe purchasing in order to cope with and I will never, therefore, write about it in this blog, there is one thing that is worth a post. And that is overcoming.

I am not special in any way... I’m a woman who was broken in a million pieces and managed to pick them up, put them back together and reinvent myself as an even better person than before. And I believe anyone can do it. Anyone can! All of us can! You see, most times, when we find ourselves hitting a wall, we only need to take a few steps back to see that the “wall”, is not really a wall at all, it’s a pillar that we were looking at very closely and there’s way to move forward either by going left or right of it... and then we need to choose our way... there is always a way! There’s always an option! And it’s just a matter of perspective.

Even the worst situations, even the worst problems, have a solution. Sometimes the solution is only finding our way of accepting the problem but even that, is a solution! Even if we can’t solve it, we can deal with it! And sometimes, even when we really don’t like the way things are going, life has a magical way to show us that, in the end, maybe everything happened for the best! Time heals! That is, if we take time to heal and not just to relive again and again the bad stuff... it takes effort, it takes strong will but I believe all humans have it in us to overcome. To take a bad thing and look at it from a different angle and turn it into a good thing! Maybe not right away but if we use time to our advantage, we can turn everything around!

I have been sad this year... very sad... but I’m not sad anymore. I’m not desperate. I’m not broken anymore, I’m whole again! I have scars, deep ones, but I wear those with pride and I move forward and I laugh and I have more and more happy moments and that’s what’s important. Happiness for me is not a constant, is just a series of happy moments. I have that. I have overcome. And this is “better than shoes”! You can bet your most precious Louboutins on it 😉