be my Valentine...

With Valentine’s Day approaching, I started pondering... see, the thing is, I’m 46 years old and I think I have actually “celebrated” the day with a paramour only 3 times in my life. With my first ever boyfriend, when I was 16. He was adorable, he was in love with me but I was long before in love with another boy... so, it only lasted a couple of weeks, I broke his heart because I did not want to pretend, he deserved better. Then, when I was at uni, with my then boyfriend who surprised me with a single red rose he brought me saying “I know we are not a conventional couple but let me be conventional just for tonight”... endearing... he broke my heart as it turned out... And then, if I’m not mistaken, only once really in almost 11 years with my ex partner when he surprised me with a bouquet of red roses... he hated the day, like most holidays, he hated giving any gift that was only meant for the other person and he would not enjoy it too... I loved him and endured... stupidly... and I don’t miss that at all!

So, yeah, I don’t know how I feel about the whole thing... let’s see... yes, every holiday is “manufactured” and “serves commercial purposes” (as if everything else doesn’t) and yes, “if you are in love you should show it everyday not once a year” and blah blah blah... but honestly, I see nothing wrong in getting a card (preferably a funny one...) for the one you love or a bunch of flowers... c’mon... it’s just a gesture, it’s sweet, you don’t need to splurge, as is the case with any occasion, it’s the thought that counts! Make your special one feel special, show them you care... nothing wrong with that! Or just take the opportunity to tell the one you like that you like them! It’s ok! We are never too old for that! A couple of years ago, I got a ❤️ texted to me on Valentine’s Day and it put a smile on my face for the whole day! Ok, later it turned out I was not special at all and the guy had sent it to everyone he knew... that kinda hurt... retroactively... but still, I think that to let someone you like know you like them on 14.02 is not a lame move, it’s cute! And we don’t have nearly enough cute things in our lives! I’m all for cute! It keeps us young! 

Yeah... so, is Valentine’s Day “better than shoes”?... mmmm... can be. Not as such, but it can be. And there’s nothing wrong with that. On the other hand, there’s nothing wrong if you get no card, no flowers, nobody tells you they like you or you have nobody to kiss on February 14th. It’s all ok! Really! It says nothing of your real worth and it certainly is no reason to be depressed and/or go nuts about it on social media! Girl, please! I mean, it’s only a day... it can be special but if it’s not, it only lasts 24 hours like any other day and then it’s over... I guess, in the end, that’s the thing: it’s a day that can be special so you should hold on to it for as long as you like but if it’s not, just let it go and move on... Simple, no? Phewwww! I guess it’s clear to me now!

two minutes of bliss...

Right... as it happens, I’m up in the middle of the night because of my stupid sciatica! Or should I say my stupid age... although technically my age is not stupid, it’s just old! Ok, old-er, I’m certainly not a WWII veteran... not even a Vietnam veteran! Anyhoo, so, my lower back hurts, my leg hurts and I’m up having a tea at this ungodly hour, Luci on the other side of the table is quietly digesting his “breakfast” and I’m thinking that I need to focus on something good! Pronto! 

Did not take long to spot it... Good things to focus on are always available, either literally in front of us or in our memory palace, but the bad things have this silly effect on us, they blur our vision and we can’t look anywhere else... it takes a bit of training to be able to focus on the good while the bad is happening but, hey, if I can do it, anyone can! I’m not special! 

So, here’s what I focused on: Yesterday, after I finished my work, I had lunch (or whatever you call it at 4pm...) and a cup of tea and then I curled up on the sofa under my blanket, ready for a well deserved nap. I had just paused “Modern Family” and dozed off when I heard a sweet meow, in sotto voce really, and the next moment Lucifer jumped on the sofa next to me. He licked my nose and made himself comfortable, laying down by my side while his little head rested on my pillow next to mine and his aquamarine blue eyes looked at me half closed... he put his paw on my cheek and fell asleep. I was... in heaven! The sweetness of the moment was almost unbearable, the beauty of this little creature expressing his love and trust in me, his surrender next to me and his...  mirroring me (laying on the sofa like me with his head on the pillow like me...) was just so heartwarming I got misty eyed... ehhh... sometimes I’m such an emotional blob!

Of course... it only lasted two minutes. Luci is exactly like me, cuddles are awesome but not when we go to sleep. Then, we both need our space to breath, to move. Holding hands to the limit, but that’s it, neither of us likes to be smothered. With another meow, slightly irritated this time, he jumped out of the sofa and on to the ottoman, which he’s declared his property, to continue his sleep unimpeded. Oh well, it was “better than shoes” while it lasted... and, no kidding, thinking about now, it has even made my sciatica calm down! Well, what do you know! I may even go back to sleep! Hurray!