Monday 16 April 2012

courage...

...is better than shoes... or, so they tell me...

The difference between courage and audacity, in my opinion, is that courage means doing tough stuff in full conciousness of how hard they are and what it entails doing them and why you do them; whereas audacity means doing stuff that (more often only others think...) they are tough to do but you are oblivious about their difficulty, no thinking about them, just do... Example: expatriation for me was simply an audacious move, I did not really think about it. But, going after what I really want in life knowing that I have to give up a lot in the process, now that is an act of courage...

Not very eloquent my explanation but I hope you got the message... And, as can be clearly seen from the examples above, though I have been full of audacity for as long as I can remember, surprising with my actions my best friends and myself sometimes, courage I lack...

The moment I start analysing the issues, the moment it becomes concious, well that is exactly the moment I loose my nerve... If I don't think about it, I might do it, but if I start thinking, well, that's that, chances are I will never find the courage to act... not even upon something I want with all my heart, not even when I'm absolutely sure I have to... the difficulties are magnified inside my mind, the negatives exaggerated, the fear overtakes me and I just chicken out..."So, why do you think about it then, why not just do it?!"  you would ask me and you would be right to say so from where you are standing...

But, from where I'm standing, things are no so easy... I have not managed, yet, to have control over my brain, it has a mind of its own and when it starts doing that stinking thinking part, I'm hopeless... analysis over analysis, lists of consequences, scenarios, images even, after a while the whole idea seems to be a horrible one and I give up... even if I know I shouldn't, even if I know I am harming myself that way, I just get too weak... So, when I say that I would gladly trade my beloved Louboutin Sixtizettes for a bit of courage, believe you me, I mean it...


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