Thursday 25 October 2018

feeling... better than shoes.

I struggled a lot with my feelings in my youth. In fact, when I was younger, I had devised a “great” method of dealing with them, I would put everything I felt in a box, all tidy and neat, and then close the lid and lock it... until the box got so full it just popped open and, like the “Jack in a box”, all the stuffed up feelings I kept hostage for years just jumped out and I felt them all at once... and kept feeling them for about five years, while I was in therapy at the time and thank goodness I was because frankly, without help I would have ended up in the cuckoo’s nest...

So... keeping feelings in a box, not a good idea.
I mean, I know perfectly well that when we allow ourselves to feel, inevitably we will feel the bad stuff along with good. Yes, it will not be all joy and pleasure and fulfilment and love and affection and tenderness... it will also be sorrow and anger and irritation and boredom and disgust... but hey, without the bad, how would we appreciate the good, right? And I know that allowing ourselves to feel makes us vulnerable but, newsflash, we are vulnerable by definition! We are only human! So, not much at stake there... And I also know that, at least the women of my generation, we were all brought up conditioned to hide our feelings, never to tell the boy we liked that we liked him, never to show anger, always contain ourselves and “be ladylike” but... f@@k that! No, seriously! That was some twisted shit!! It just crippled us and cost us years of trying to get rid of those teachings in order to free ourselves and be just normal human beings!

So yeah, I know that when we allow ourselves to feel, really feel, we take risks... we open up to the unknown, we welcome in the good and the bad and we say “ok, let’s see now, what have you got for me?” but it’s so incredibly worth it! It’s how you know you are alive! Yes, it hurts ever so often but it’s also amazingly rewarding even more often! Yes, we will cry sometimes but, more often (believe me, I know what I’m talking about) we will laugh!! And that makes it all worth it!

So, feel!! Let it all in! Be open! Be human!  Don’t be afraid, don’t hold back! Accept the bad ones and celebrate the good ones! Do not hide your sadness and do not curb your enthusiasm! Just... feel it all! Be alive!  

No comments: