Monday 3 December 2018

thoughts about intimacy

I read an article about why people cheat in relationships some time ago and the author’s argument was that basically people cheat because they choose personal gratification over the intimacy of a relationship... I think this may be correct. But I don’t want to talk about this in this post, I want to share my thoughts about intimacy and why I think it’s better than shoes.

Intimacy is rare. Think about how many people in your life you feel really intimate with. Your family, maybe. A few good friends. Your partner. Not that many people, right? Now think about how long did it take you to feel intimate with these people. In the case of your family, well, a lifetime I guess... With your friends, well, I would bet that you only feel really intimate with the oldest ones, that it took you quite some time to open up and reach the point of feeling really comfortable with them, to feel you can share everything with them... The same with your partner, surely intimacy took some time to build, it’s not something you had in the beginning of the relationship, right? I mean, even if you have sexual intimacy, real intimacy takes time to establish... Also, intimacy takes a lot of effort in relationships, effort and courage to reveal yourself as you really are, to be honest and vulnerable and risk being hurt and rejected. Having real intimacy in a relationship means, I think, that you are emotionally invested in the relationship.

So, I would say that all this makes intimacy precious. Valuable. And, in my opinion, worth having. Yes, precisely because you are emotionally invested, if things go south, it really hurts. But that should not stop you! The risk of loosing should not keep you from having! Better to have loved and lost than to have not loved at all! (...not my saying, obviously) Better to have known real intimacy, warmth, connection, support, even if with an expiration date, than to not have had it at all! Better to have held hands for what felt like a brief moment in life than to have lived a life where there was no holding hands at all... don’t be afraid of intimacy, seek it! Offer it! Take it when it’s offered to you! It will warm up your heart, it is the only antidote to solitude... it is better than shoes! 

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