I read the other day from ”WordPorn” on insta that “telling people how you feel is the most difficult thing ever”... yeah... it is... I belong to a generation of women that was brought up to never show (much less talk about...) emotions. And it took many years of growth, and therapy, in order to learn to actually share my feelings. And still I am not good at it... but I try, even if I do it clumsily at times. Because good feelings should be shared to flourish and grow and multiply and bad feelings should be shared so that they don’t stay inside and rot and poison us.
This, is not really a “better than shoes” post... in all these years I keep this blog, I have tried to only write when I can write about something that has made me happy... so I hope you will allow me this exception... today, as I write this, I’m sad. My mother passed away yesterday after a short battle against cancer. This new reality has not yet sunk in... I woke up this morning and my first thought was “my mom is dead”... and although those close to me knew that we always have had a rocky relationship, she was the only mother I ever had... and now she’s gone and all the things that she said or did that hurt me or made me angry, I already miss... I miss her...
But... there is a silver lining even to this dark cloud... a few months back, in the beginning of this surreal year and unbeknownst to us of course that she would have such a short time to live ahead, we had a long conversation and I poured my heart out to her... I talked to her about all the things that were burdening my heart, the good, the bad, the ugly... I spoke about things I had never found the courage to speak before... or I had never been able to put into words before... and no, it was not one of those movie moments, for starters it was on the phone so no tearful hugs in the end, but it was honest and it was about everything and I remember having slept like a baby that night, after our three-hour phone call, for the first time in years! My heart was light because I had spoken and she had listened... at least I choose to believe she did.
So, now that she’s gone, I have no regrets. Nothing was left unsaid. I am in peace. Sad but in peace. And although I’m not a believer of “she’s in a better place now”, I’m glad her struggle has ended, that it was not a long one and that she was not in pain in the end. And that, before it was too late, I found the courage to tell her how I felt... and that, I think, is “better than shoes”...
Dear... so sorry... I dont know how to comfort you... It's a really sad situation... I send you a huge virtual hug...
I got it 🤗 thank you!
Hello again! I hope you are fine and feeling stronger day by day... New huge virtual hug
Thanks again 😊
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