Any of you who have seen the film "Contact", are familiar with Occam's razor (and those who didn't, I'm sure have already clicked the link and know all about it ;)
I have spent about 5 years of my life making excuses... for my tolerance to a certain behaviour, for the "certain" behaviour itself (yes, ok, I'm talking about a certain person... there...), to the consequences of a certain behaviour... I grew to become an expert in analysing and explaining (I thought...) why they did the things they did, why they said the things they said, why they feel the way they feel... always trying to see what is "behind", never seeing what is "in front of" my eyes... Who the hell I thought I was??!! What the hell do I know??? Am I a psychiatrist?? No! I'm a surveying engineer! Who died and made me the expert on all things??! I am ashamed of myself... Love alone cannot give right to anyone to do what I did, to come up with a million excuses for things that were inexcusable (and unforgivable...)
There is no excuse for my tolerance, for my enabling other people to use me, to hurt me... I am to blame and I will have to live with myself and try to get over it. There is no excuse for them doing so either! And they will have to live with themselves... We all have been through rough times, most of us had a pretty difficult childhood also (and that is so much more than a cliché...) but, you know, at some point we got over it! We became better! We managed to let go of all the anger and the hatred and the regrets, to forget and even forgive... We learned to care about other peoples' feelings even if we do not fully understand ours. And most importantly, we managed to know the difference between the people who love us and those who betrayed us and not punish the former for what the latter did...
For those who did not manage to evolve this way, to grow up into being decent human beings, there is not excuse! The simplest explanation tends to be the right one, it is not that they couldn't, it is not that they did not have help, it is not even that they did not have the chance... usually it is just that they do not want to! That they like who they are, just as they are... Good for them... As for you all, the ones close to them, my advice is stop making excuses for them! And stop making excuses for yourselves for being there for them... try it, you will know it is better than shoes ;)
I have spent about 5 years of my life making excuses... for my tolerance to a certain behaviour, for the "certain" behaviour itself (yes, ok, I'm talking about a certain person... there...), to the consequences of a certain behaviour... I grew to become an expert in analysing and explaining (I thought...) why they did the things they did, why they said the things they said, why they feel the way they feel... always trying to see what is "behind", never seeing what is "in front of" my eyes... Who the hell I thought I was??!! What the hell do I know??? Am I a psychiatrist?? No! I'm a surveying engineer! Who died and made me the expert on all things??! I am ashamed of myself... Love alone cannot give right to anyone to do what I did, to come up with a million excuses for things that were inexcusable (and unforgivable...)
There is no excuse for my tolerance, for my enabling other people to use me, to hurt me... I am to blame and I will have to live with myself and try to get over it. There is no excuse for them doing so either! And they will have to live with themselves... We all have been through rough times, most of us had a pretty difficult childhood also (and that is so much more than a cliché...) but, you know, at some point we got over it! We became better! We managed to let go of all the anger and the hatred and the regrets, to forget and even forgive... We learned to care about other peoples' feelings even if we do not fully understand ours. And most importantly, we managed to know the difference between the people who love us and those who betrayed us and not punish the former for what the latter did...
For those who did not manage to evolve this way, to grow up into being decent human beings, there is not excuse! The simplest explanation tends to be the right one, it is not that they couldn't, it is not that they did not have help, it is not even that they did not have the chance... usually it is just that they do not want to! That they like who they are, just as they are... Good for them... As for you all, the ones close to them, my advice is stop making excuses for them! And stop making excuses for yourselves for being there for them... try it, you will know it is better than shoes ;)
1 comment:
"Any of you who have seen the film "Contact", are familiar with Occam's razor (and those who didn't, I'm sure have already clicked the link and know all about it ;) "
I haven't, but was, so didn't. I hope that was all right.
I fully agree as to not tolerating. I want to say something about "those show did not manage to evolve", because I think it is sometimes a matter of recognition. If I don't feel this way, if I am not the person who..., who am I? If I start to trust ... but that would mean I ... but I don't ... I would not recognise myself.
I can be hard to realise that the image we carry around of ourselves is not us. I do not change, only the image I had of myself. It was hard to learn.
@T
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