maturity...

...is a weird thing! As such, hence, it is not better than shoes... being weird and all... but, there is thing that comes with maturity which I think is marvelous! And that is the knowledge of how little control we have over almost everything in life and the power to still survive knowing it! Like, learning to keep our balance over trouble water, if you like...

When I was younger, so much younger than today (in the words of the legendary Beatles) I had these big ideas about control... I used to think that if I told people how I wanted to be treated, as a reward to my honesty they would just do it! That I would make their life easier by explaining what I wanted... I thought that I could control my life, where the wind blows me, what I do in every situation... Ah, youth... I could not have been further from the truth... which came to me along with the wrinkles around my eyes and the effects of gravity in my body...

The truth, dear readers, is that we have minimum or not at all control over practically everything, limited to what we say or do only, and that other people will just do what they can, say what the want and, well, basically that's it! Plans are made to be cancelled, statements are made to be taken back, commitments are to be broken and even if we never do any of these hideous things, others will! Because that's the best they can do! There is no point in judgement, it's human nature! And the only thing that can prepare us for when things go belly up is to expect it! Accept the probability of being let down, realize the fact that we have to learn to cope with the change, with the unexpected, with the uncontrolled! Ask, yes, in order to receive but do not think there is a rule which says that if you ask you will receive!

The only rules we can (more or less...) assure to be kept are the ones we impose to ourselves, in my view these being the steps to our freedom, and as for the rest, well, whatever! Learn to cope with limited control, that's the secret :) be mature! now that is better than shoes...

walking away...

It's raining... and I am at a point in my life where I find it very difficult to focus on positive things... I'm sure you all know the feeling, nobody can be a cheerleader all the time... But I figured this is the exact moment when I need to try even harder to remain optimistic... stupid? perhaps... but I will try anyway... and in today's post I will defend the view that knowing when to walk away is better than shoes... see if I manage to convince you...

We all have needs and it is our duty and responsibility to try and have them met... no, we should not settle for less, we should protect ourselves and make it clear when we want something, out of someone, a relationship, out of ourselves, out of a job, out of life... we should try and find out what it is and go after it even if we are afraid and insecure... we should ask because very often this is the only way to receive... we should be ready to fight for our right to happiness! But at the same time we should be able to see a hopeless situation, we should know how to pick our battles... no, not every one is winnable... and the casualties..., oh, the casualties are so very often pieces of our souls...

We should claim our space, we should open the cards on the table and let the people in our life know who we are, how we feel and what we want. They do have the right to know! But when that which we receive in return is not good enough,  then it is our task to walk away... other people will only give what they can, nothing more... no point in keep asking for more... if it's not what we want, we should seek it otherwise... don't lower the standard, just find a person who fits it! ... Chances are that there is at least one person out there willing, and happy, to give us what we need and more than happy to receive what we have to give to them! Isn't this a chance worth taking? ;)

about support...

No, though I would never doubt the importance of good support when it comes to shoes, essential when we are talking about high heels more than anything, I am not referring to those in this blog post... No, this time I want to talk about the importance of a circle of support amongst friends living abroad which is, surely, better than shoes!

Living in a foreign country is hard... purely and simply hard! No matter how much money you make, no matter how much comfort and security a good salary can give you, and, remember, not everyone grabs one of those anyway, the fact remains: when sick, when troubled, when lonely, the difficulty multiplies by at least one hundred when you find yourself in a foreign land! And those of you who are away from home know exactly what I mean! Moreover, those of you who live in this part of the world know that the NL presents you with an additional bonus of...well, how can I say it... a charming mentality of "I could not give a fuck if you are in need of anything because basically it is not my problem"! Yes, yes, you all can object to that but after almost 11 years here I have the right to my opinion (and many reasons to support it)!

So what we, the expats, are left with is the circle of support! Being there for each other, sharing the knowledge of a good doctor, a good shop to buy bread, sharing thoughts and fears and problems over a cup of coffee or a plate of home cooked pasta and a glass of wine, sharing insecurities, loneliness, homesickness, and very often as well happiness and good news! The point is that being alone in one's home country is nothing compared to being alone thousands of kilometres away from it! And the solution to that is the circle of support! The group of friends! Picking up the phone and asking for help! Offering it to the next person when they need it! That's what works :) and better than shoes!

PS. For V... remember, you are not alone ;)