companionship...

...is better than shoes!

In the past year or so, my faith to relationships and companionship has been shaken... it is hard not to doubt the whole idea of being in a committed relationship when a union you thought was strong as steel, breaks down to pieces as if it were made of terracotta... and although in my heart I still believe that true intimacy may only exist when you know and trust the person sleeping next to you, when you love and care (in my mind, these are one and the same, when you love you care...), I doubt that this is written in the stars for me...

This week, my best male friend and adopted big brother for the last 17 years or so, celebrated his 20th anniversary with his partner... yes, exactly, 20 years! 20 years of love! And no, I’m not being a hopeless romantic here, no relationship that lasts this long is all roses and candles and voile curtains floating in the light breeze while soft jazz music plays in the background, all the time! Probably, since this sounded like a scene from a soft porn movie, not any of the time at all! But you have to look at the big picture here, the foundation! A relationship that willingly lasts this long (not talking about hostage situations...) must have a solid foundation! Love!

Yes, when you are together with someone for this long, there are bad days... there are days when you don’t wanna even see the other person’s face in the morning, when you get so pissed off at one another you think you will explode, when you get bored and you question the whole thing...  but then, there are days of natural bliss, calm, laughter, tenderness, sweetness, discovery and pure joy as well! And, when you still are together after so long, the simplest explanation is that the good days outnumber the bad ones, the joy outweighs the anger and love wins! Companionship wins! It wins because it is what we all need deep down and when we manage to find it, we should hold on to it! For as long as we still smile every time we listen to Jack Johnson sing “better together”...

Ps. Happy 20th anniversary S and K! ❤️

attaching strings...

I’ve been thinking about this “no strings attached” thingy in relationships...

When one goes by the rule of “no strings attached” in their relationships, not wanting any commitment and/or responsibilities and by making sure that everyone’s expectations are kept to the minimum (or there are no expectations at all from the relationship and from one another), well, basically they set the most rigid, the strictest of conditions in their relationships! The precondition to not have any attachment, ever, is indeed a very serious one, one that is very hard to abide by simply because of human nature!

What if “strings” naturally “attach” between two people? What if feelings develop? According to the rule, these need to be immediately cut! But that is not only unnatural, it’s also stupid! Why would we deny feelings, both good and bad?! We can’t, my darlings! Take it from me, I tried to deny the existence of feelings for the better part of my youth! It doesn’t work! We cannot cut “strings” no more than we can create them where they naturally don’t exist! The only strings that should exist between two people are the ones that naturally grow! When two people meet and they feel a first kind of attraction for one another, this may or may not develop to something more... this is the natural way, this is the only rule that should apply, to let what grows naturally, grow: if it is more feelings, just live it for goodness sake and if it is less, well, the relationship will dissolve gradually, naturally, and that’s that.

The “no strings attached” rule is just a way of expressing our fear of rejection, of heartache... we want to control the situation, make sure we will not get hurt by forming a bond with another human being, by having feelings for them that may be betrayed... But... as I heard in a wonderful theatre play I saw last year, “The Inheritance Part II” (yes, Vanessa Redgrave was amazing!!), “the only way to heal heartache, is to risk more...” So, yes, go out and risk heartache, unconditionally, form connections, go with the flow, fall in love! Let strings attach wherever they want to attach, if they want to, don’t be afraid to dive in and see where that gets you! It will be “better than shoes”, you’ll see 😉

love...

Love is within all of us. We sometimes forget it’s there... often, we think we lost it but it is never lost... it’s always there... We may lose loved ones, but we do not lose love. We just forget it’s there, we sometimes choose to forget it, we sometimes choose to close our eyes and pretend it’s not there, usually when we are hurting... sometimes we even wish it weren’t there... but, love is always within us... love is everywhere we want to see it... love is in art, in food, in friendships, in a smile or a heartfelt laugh, in a hug, a kiss... love is always present when we care...

Love is the reason. Love is the cause. Love is the aim. We want to be loved, we want to love, we want to show love and we want, no, we need love to be shown to us in more than words... We get bitter when we think we lost it, we get angry, we shut down, we promise we will never love again, we try to protect ourselves from getting hurt again, we think love was the cause of our pain but... it’s not love that hurts us... people... well, sometimes people do hurt us... lack of love hurts us... forgeting the love we have inside hurts us... trying to shape love in a specific form may hurt us... but love, well, cannot be what we want it to be... love is love... and it does never hurt...

I choose love this year. I choose to remind myself that love is within me every single day. I choose to not be afraid of it. I choose to be open to it. I choose to seek it, to cherish it, to offer it, to accept it in any shape or form love chooses to come to me. I choose to show it, not just say it, show it! I choose to let it guide me and I choose to let myself go wherever it wants to take me... and I know that this will not make me weak... it will make me even stronger! How about you? 😉