getting rid of the garbage...

...is better then those Miu Miu glitter heel pumps that I have my eye set on for a couple of months (and cannot afford because I'm spending all my money on lamps and paint and cables for the new house...)

No, I do not mean the regular garbage... that's just a chore. No, I mean the real garbage, the stuff that has accumulated over the years, all the little (or the big) things that we just do not throw away immediately when we realise we don't need them because "what if..." . But that "what if" never comes and the stuff  hides cleverly on the top shelf of the wardrobe or at the bottom of the cupboard or, like in my case, neatly put in beautiful boxes... that's the real garbage and that's what's "better than shoes" getting rid of!

I am in the process of moving house, as those who follow this blog regularly already know. And I made a promise to myself (and my boyfriend) that I would not take any garbage with me in the new home. A removal is a great chance to start over, to rid myself of the old and the useless and the damaged (yes, I do speak literally and metaphorically) and start anew. In order to do that, however, I had to get into the storage... where all the skeletons hid... and throw them away! Scary job... and heavy as well, my back still hurts from last weekend. But I did it, I tamed the beast!

How is it possible for just one person to accumulate such junk is beyond me! How is it possible a house apparently so tidy to reveal such rubbish! Why on earth have I kept insurance bills from 2003 for my old car which by the way I sold two years ago!! I felt ashamed... I sat on the floor tearing papers for hours, I carried 20, yes 20, garbage bags to the garbage bins downstairs and an unknown number of paper boxes... And it felt so good!!! Better than anything I have done in years!!! I freed myself from the past, I broke the chains that kept me a slave to a life is no longer mine!! And yes, it was worth the back pain, every bit of it ;)

stop making excuses...

Any of you who have seen the film "Contact", are familiar with Occam's razor (and those who didn't, I'm sure have already clicked the link and know all about it ;)

I have spent about 5 years of my life making excuses... for my tolerance to a certain behaviour, for the "certain" behaviour itself (yes, ok, I'm talking about a certain person... there...), to the consequences of a certain behaviour... I grew to become an expert in analysing and explaining (I thought...) why they did the things they did, why they said the things they said, why they feel the way they feel... always trying to see what is "behind", never seeing what is "in front of" my eyes... Who the hell I thought I was??!! What the hell do I know??? Am I a psychiatrist?? No! I'm a surveying engineer! Who died and made me the expert on all things??! I am ashamed of myself... Love alone cannot give right to anyone to do what I did, to come up with a million excuses for things that were inexcusable (and unforgivable...)

There is no excuse for my tolerance, for my enabling other people to use me, to hurt me... I am to blame and I will have to live with myself and try to get over it. There is no excuse for them doing so either! And they will have to live with themselves... We all have been through rough times, most of us had a pretty difficult childhood also (and that is so much more than a cliché...) but, you know, at some point we got over it! We became better! We managed to let go of all the anger and the hatred and the regrets, to forget and even forgive... We learned to care about other peoples' feelings even if we do not fully understand ours. And most importantly, we managed to know the difference between the people who love us and those who betrayed us and not punish the former for what the latter did...

For those who did not manage to evolve this way, to grow up into being decent human beings, there is not excuse! The simplest explanation tends to be the right one, it is not that they couldn't, it is not that they did not have help, it is not even that they did not have the chance... usually it is just that they do not want to! That they like who they are, just as they are... Good for them... As for you all, the ones close to them, my advice is stop making excuses for them! And stop making excuses for yourselves for being there for them... try it, you will know it is better than shoes ;)

a day on the sofa...

... may be better than shoes!

I have had the worst three weeks... My personal life has been turned upside down, things have been crazy at work, I had to give a course even, I lost a tooth because of an old root canal having gone terribly wrong and I have not been able to eat properly in days... No, nothing better than shoes there...

But weekend came and I decided to just take a break! Literally, a break from everything! A break from feeling sad (depressed even...), a break from thinking, a break from running around like a maniac, a break from taking the usual morning shower, a break from dressing up and wearing shoes (though I did manage to get my hands on a pair of Isabel Marant Becketts last week, I did not want to put on even those ;) and putting make-up on, a break from going shopping and running errands and taking care of things and worrying about the removal... I needed a break! And that's exactly what I had!

I planted myself on the sofa soon after I woke up and Steven King with his 11.22.1963 kept me great company for most of the morning and the afternoon... I took a couple (yes, a couple) of naps, ate a Greek yogurt with honey, stretched, read some more, drank water... then watched a couple of episodes from "Up all night" (btw, I think that rating is a bit stingy...) and I did most of all that without leaving my sofa!

I know what you must be thinking.... "booooooring"! However, I give you my word of honor, I was not! I was great! I was just what I needed... ok, perhaps not exactly what I needed but, for lack of a better alternative, certainly what will help me cope... And I do appreciate it! Life sometimes becomes a battlefield whether we like it or not and taking a day off to regain strength is never a bad idea... Besides, I will miss this sofa when I move to the new house ;)